—–Original Email—–

From: Rodney Williams

Sent: 03/03/2003 06:59

To: customer.service@kohls.com

Subject: The Kohl’s Agenda

At first when I heard that a department store was coming to my neighborhood, it pleased me. I thought, “This could be good, a brand new store, 2 blocks from my house, that could sell something that we might actually buy. How convenient!” Then on Sunday, March 2, 2003, I read an article in my local newspaper that hinted to the dangers of Kohl’s foul economic agenda. I knew that Kohl’s was opening a few stores in Southern California; although, I had no idea 28 strategically placed retail fortresses are invading us. The article quoted your senior vice president of marketing saying, “Our customer is a mom who has a very busy lifestyle”. All at once, I understood Kohl’s fiendish agenda.

Kohl’s wicked agenda is to financially drain the wallets of every hard working husband in southern California. Listen, I’m a hardworking guy, I love my wife, and I love my kids … but the last thing I need is a more convenient way for my wife to spend money. Do you want me to work overtime everyday? Don’t you want my two beautiful daughters to go to college someday? Or would you be happier if my family were well dressed and broke?

I must admit. I admire the evil genius in your marketing and propaganda tactics. You have placed Kohl’s right in the middle of our red blooded American neighborhood. Your parking lot lights are shining right in to some people’s bedrooms. I even have to drive by your monstrous store at least 4 times a day. Weeks before the any store opened, you sent reminders and coupons to every woman in southern California. You even said they could “save” 10% if they opened a Kohl’s credit card account. Kohl’s is even giving away fabulous door prizes and shiny new cars on opening day. How can suburbia resist? You’ve got all the wives in my neighborhood, herding to your stores in a convoy of mini-vans, salivating at the mouth, with their husbands’ wallets in their hands. My wife has even pondered working part-time at Kohl’s just to get a discount. What can a husband do against such a willfully strong and powerful dark force?

Of course, I wouldn’t be complaining if you threw us faithful husbands a bone or two. I mean you could at least sell some tools, TV’s, video games, or beer there, but you don’t. All you sale are clothes, small appliances, and knick-knacks … basically girly stuff. So could you please at least soften the blow to my wallet by sending me coupons or a tee shirt or something? I know I can’t win a battle against a national mega-store, but it would be nice to know that the store that is going to bankrupt me heard my cries of mournful sorrow.

Waiting For Your Sympathy,

Rodney Williams

—–Response Email—–

Rodney, thank you for your comments regarding your local Kohl’s stores. The grand opening for the California stores is March 7th. Please take the time to visit a store and you will find out that there is alot of merchandise gearing towards men.

I will be forwarding you comments along to the appropriate people.

Thank you

Mary